The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
COCAINE IS GR8
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
