I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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