Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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