yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
