I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
