i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
