When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
