She went from zero to smokin in five shots
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
