i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
