Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
