All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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