she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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