Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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