I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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