Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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