Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
