Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
worst night to have a conscience
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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