My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
