I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
