so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
