I'm so fucking centered right now
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
