Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
