so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
