I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
