My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
