Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My bed smells like the plague
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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