he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
