So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
