dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
