We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
