Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
