They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
