you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
