margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
