everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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