Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
