I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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