1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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