I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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