don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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