Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
