And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
