You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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