Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
