yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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