there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
