the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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