just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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