I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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