just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
