Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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