And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
