His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
