i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
