You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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