She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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