I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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