I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
