Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
