my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize