Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My life is pants optional.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
