I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Boobs speak an international language.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
