How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
