Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
