I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
wow bdsm is so cute
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
