dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
