worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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