it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
