Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
