Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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