i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
