there's paper in my vomit.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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