My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Blood and glitter go together right?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When did angry sex become our thing?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
