he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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