she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
