I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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