You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
