so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
