I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
