I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
