Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
