dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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