I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Fuck appropriateness.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
